


//skin & bones//

by 52for3you16



Series: Not Like I'd Have it Any Other Way [1]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Ambiguity, Depression, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Trans Bill Cipher, Trans Male Character, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-08 21:19:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7773754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/52for3you16/pseuds/52for3you16
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>bill wasn't always so full of himself.</p><p>sometimes he just can't remember why he gives a shit at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	//skin & bones//

Blood. 

It runs down the his chin as the pain sets in, tired and dark eyes squinting with the psychotic grin that pulls at his lips. Snicker after snicker is paired with punch after punch, and he just takes it, crying and laughing in his own self pity. He's so lost in it all that he nearly doesn't notice when the pain stops coming, and when he opens his eyes, he flinches when he sees another hand, reached out to him. He almost wants to deny it and lay in the numbing pain, but instead he gives the other his bruised and quite possibly broken hand, and is lifted onto his feet, and he latches onto the man before him, sobbing out in pain. Those eyes of the others are ones he can never forget.

He cries out his lover's name in happiness, wincing as he takes the other's face into his hands, kissing the brunette, gripping onto him, crying hard. He's in so much pain, god, why does it hurt so much? He opens his eyes again, and stares into those hazel eyes, his eyes burning from the tears and blood and makeup in his eyes. 

He doesn't notice when he's lifted off his feet and carried, and he doesn't hear his boyfriend's worried cries as he passes out from the pain and exhaustion from his tears.

\---

He gets out of the hospital by the end of the week, and luckily nothing's broken. The first thing he does is hop in the shower, and even though he's typically uncomfortable with his bare skin, especially his breasts and how it'll never be obvious when he's in desperate need for his partner sexually because he's too nervous to enact it. 

And when the feeling comes on, he's lucky that the brunet joins him, and he's moaning with skin pressed against skin, and god, he's gonna have to take a day after pill because there's too many possibilities if he doesn't, and there's no way they can get a condom at this rate.

He's sobbing when he comes, and all it does is make his lover feel worse. Funny how when he comes undone, his undoing continues to unravel.

\---

It takes a lot of convincing for him not to use the scissors for a purpose they're not for, and even if his lover is the reason he stopped before. Why is he the reason now? Why is the one thing that makes him so happy making him hurt so much? He just doesn't understand.

They both try again to make him feel good without him crying, and all he does is the same as the last, if not worse. 

\---

He spends the next day alone. He avoids the one he wants around all the time, and he's just crying. He's just so hungry and everything hurts so bad and then he knows.

He realizes that he doesn't feel like he's good enough for him, like he's not enough of a man for him, that he'll never be able to please him. And no matter what the other says, he can't believe it. He won't ever believe it.

But he needs to get over it. His boyfriend still loves him with everything he's got, and he doesn't care that he's not perfect. He loves him to pieces.

Even though he still feels like shit, he gets up. He curls on top of his love on their couch and they kiss. 

It's just what feels right.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this to figure out my own feelings. i'm getting better, so don't worry. everything is healthy, but sometimes writing is a good way for coping.
> 
> and it's good to know that nothing will truly get better unless you let it.
> 
> for more of this au, check out (i can't remember the formatting of the name, but it's along the lines of this) "@# .i can't. #@"


End file.
